Life is a dream walking, death is going home.

2012-01-21T01:47:00.002+08:00

Yagar =/
where to get clothings in last minute ?
flight of places in my mind now .

you're lad

2012-01-18T21:29:00.000+08:00

You're so lad when you dont a outcome and there isnt a reply come back to you .

Nah , dont bother about it , just after the black language learnt and like to use that you're lad :P

okie come back , chinese new year is almost arrived and its like only on the coming monday yet I

havent get myself any new clothings for this chinese new year and I havent did any shopping yet .

Yagar =/

I do not have any idea about what to wear so ?

Anyhoos , about an incidence I saw today , A child were having febrile fits , and the management were

a bit screwed . Noticeable where if a person is overweight ( healthcare person ) and you do not have any

physical training in dailies , you really gonna have an asthma attack when emergency help is needed .

People that works in healthcare doesnt mean that physically and mentally fits all to health , come on ,

I'm just talking about the facts cause you look at imma that she puts on weight as well , so , after this ,

really looking into the fitness of mind and soul ,

you finger crossed to look imma good aii yaii :D

wanna be the way it is

2012-01-09T18:31:00.000+08:00

I dont dream much now , unlike the usual days that I dont know why .

wanna start to make my move and action speaks louder than words ,

I'll prove , time is everything to me now , to grab it , hold it , strengthen the power of physiology of everything .

I'm learning , everyday , walking with people , life and enjoying , with the most precious moments that I wouldnt want to give up anymore .

Officially turned to 20th in the half months ago ,

cheerful moments came into life ,

I do not epxect anything from anyone , just hope to be the best of what I could do .

Surprisingly :)

I got a companion ,

catch up more to know about him readers B)

I got 3 piglets now , learnt new words , they left , but stayed in heart :D

you savo kaikai and casadownem ,

heart them sincerely .

I concerned about everything surrounds me and I finger cross to pray that everything goes fine for everyone and everything

2012 , is a good start , love !

a fake smile makes a fake you .

2011-10-13T13:45:00.002+08:00

it did not took a long time for us to met ,

it did not took a long time for us to fall ,

it did not took a long time for us being together,

it did not took a long time for us to break ,

but it tooks a long time for me to be cured .

thou its not in reality but its realistic ,

a fake smile can hide a million tears ,

a fake smile can hide a million lies ,

a fake smile can hide a million personality ,

a fake smile actually hurts

I wont miss your stupidicia face any more .

THANK YOU .

Friday loves .

2011-10-07T19:30:00.000+08:00

a day off friday and to replace on monday :)
finally after 2 years get back to meet her ,
her eyes were sharp to observe it all ,
she has a wise wisdom to judge and to tell me what to do ,
I always highly adore her cause she knows almost all .
I thank her for guiding a new way for me ,
to be harmony for it and harmonious with it .
Thanks Mrs.Pang <3

The only almost complete food that she cooks that everyone in the house eats :)

New Edition of Nasi Lemak 2.1

After attending to our jaundice and conjuncvitis class in B-1-7

the smurfy lemak came out with colour blindness and jaundice effect as well !

Badly craving for this , hearts :)

2011-10-04T14:08:00.002+08:00

Its the way I am , no matter what :)

Cheers

Mi manca la tua stupida faccia

2011-10-02T21:14:00.002+08:00

you think you are strong , but actually you are not ,

you tried to be happy with just a smile to make through it ,

you stuffed yourself and keep yourself busy with all the ASSignments and try to make things goes really smooth ,

ended up with one breathe when you calm yourself down ,

you did actually wanna cry ,

you did actually wants someone there to share what is all about ,

you did actually wanted to know the truth ,

you did actually wanted to know why ,

to search it through ,

Mi manca la tua stupida faccia !

Non sei molto facile da dimenticare!

she wanted to make it through ,

to tell her the truth ,

and scratched her heart really good ..

she can make it through another day ,

she wants to move on.

Il vero amore è difficile da trovare, e ancora più difficile da nascondere

She's alright .

2011-10-01T23:12:00.000+08:00

:) hello there readers , stepped into my blog and spam me again ? lols

alright , lets start .

Octopusically already October , time to rock on the party ? hee ~

Reflect back the past few months , what happened ?

sorrows ? sadness ? throw all that aside and forget all about it!

whats all about in my mind is how to be more tough , strong and to be more happy ,

thinking all only the happy moments and ready to accept whatever it comes .

All I expect now is positive thingy and no matter what , I believe I will be able to handle .

I have no time for the thing that Im sad for , cause that is not I wanted for .

If something happened , I believed it , it really happens for a reason .

No matter is good or bad , Olivia , you know you always have somebody there to support and love you through :) I know I wont be alone , I have faith with joy ! oopsy :)

my readers , i thank you for reading my post ,

my crappy notes ,

I , did not regret for whatever things that happened ,

and Im glad that I made it through ,

life just have to be strong and happy ,

readers , i hope that you all too !

loads of hearts , OLIVIA :)

A friday

2011-09-30T20:19:00.002+08:00

"Its just a white paper that you just have to fix it up with here and there "

Thanks dad for advicing me and spent a lil moments with you for chatting . hearts

time flies and its already friday without notice ,

today got back a news that on the diwali one week mid sem break im going back to hospital to replace my emergency leave as I took 3 days when granny passed away . Ive checked the 2 ways ticket to Sibu and its only 200+ , cheaper than the november and december month , I guess this time trip shall be cancel or lets see how the schedule goes on .

so readers , how's your week ? any plans for weekends ? :) I hope you all enjoy it .

As time passed by , I really dont know where I went into ,

to focus on studies , yes I will and at the same time , to fall in love ?

anyone could tell me what true love is all about ?

what guys thinking in their mind and whats about giving and take ?

whats all about the start ?

uhh- its really confusing me , should I start to walk into a step for love ?

or should I pull myself out before I get hurt ?

I dont know what's all about love cause true love seems not exist yet .

so you read and you know , dont ask me where's my bf or when's going to have one .

I DONT KNOW :)

Hmm , now on have to start to save money and I know money is really not hard to earn ,

thanks dad for pampering her lil daughter always buying her this and that and also letting her spend with **** :)

Mom took her car to service and it cost more than i thought , it gives me 10 iphones there :(

If i were to drive like her car in future , I know I dont have that much of money ,
I guess I have to really go on fasting by only drinking water and reduce in shopping and accessories .

Haha , teach me how to budget and save money .

Thank you ,

yours truly , loves ,

OLIVIA :)

working hard on it .

2011-09-29T18:35:00.001+08:00

Its the fourth day of sem 5 , things goes as usual ,

introduction ,assignments , presentations , preparations for formative i and ii ,

and have to be prepared for LJM but still not prepare yet , a lot more knowledge to gain from books , nets , newspaper , and history of others.

At the same time , I would not want to get stucked on the chair by facing my notes and lappie for almost 3/4 of my time cause would not want to be stressed up and miss out all the funs with families , but will limit myself as I promised to grow to be more mature :)

I've got lots of fun i think for these coming months , dad's birthday celebration , damansara to meet master jin bodhi on the sunday , gathering for secondary friends , extra classes on saturdays , aunt's birthday , diwali and bringing forward the sem break as diwali going to be enjoy for one week !

Planned to go Sibu to visit Aunt Mina and Calistus but see how things go on , and its like 4 days did not contact with him . Pending case , wanna go for shopping and learning the others culture , at the same time , wish to visit hometown , Hadyai , Thailand again , never been boring to there . Home sweet home :)

For November if not mistaken , in the schedule , I will be going to TR ; Tanjung Rambutan in Ipoh for 2 weeks , to be having clinical practice and as well to TUN HUSSEIN ONN eye specialist . This sem there's 2 more places for us to exposed and never thought that I could move forward to this sem , it really surprised me , for all the hardwork , nightmares and panda eyes that screwed me up . It came out with a good output , thou was not the best but I accepted it , caused I did my best , hee ~ oopssy.

See how things go on , really hope to go back for Yoga classes , Therapeutic treatment , spa and sauna , oh gosh , that really made me wanna go now !

More and more to enjoy ,

November its a 2 weeks leave from Klang and Im very glad that the Broer's are coming to MALAYSIA on december , stressed and enjoy and enjoy ! Woohoo <3 ++

That's the plan at the moment , and at the moment , Im ASS-ing my ASSignments :)

Results of all

2011-09-26T20:49:00.000+08:00

To have faith I wanted for all these while ,

to believe everything will come true with all the efforts I've put on .

No matter what's the outcome ,

I , willing to accept for the sake I have done .

In either good or bad , I am strong enough to handle .

Things that are done thou its a bit disappointed with the results and output ,

But , I have no regrets with it .

To either let go the love that Im wishing for ,

It had just passed by around me ,

Left a lil memories between us that has been for few months .

Left , Leaved .

2 , combined .

Yes and No .

Scratched and Be Tough to handle .

2011-09-23T23:51:00.000+08:00

the most beautiful moments , it could be keep in the heart , it could be in your mind all the time

but picture always speaks the word in me ,

photographing never fail to shows <3

credits to kabut , for the snap shots !

It nearly.

2011-09-23T23:45:00.000+08:00

I couldnt accept , at the moment when you asked.

these days arent easy for me ,

I struggled and be strong ,

not to drop any tears for almost everything ,

being strong to be happy , cheer and laughs all the time ,

to grow and be more independent to and explore more ,

to have more people around and to build more relationship .

I guess that helps to in what happened today .

I was asked by my clinical instructor whether immitating others clinical instructor signature for my cross book .

At the moment onwards , I was not surprised at all until when I did explain and told her the whole story and she did replied me saying that she clarified with the one who sign my cross book telling that she did not sign for me at all . Body , mind and soul , north south east west , I dont know where it went . Its a big issue for me , cause Ive been chasing these and that for so long and this is what I get .

but at last , clarified , she refreshed and recalled back when did she sign for me .

I know , thou this clarified today , but doesnt mean that wont happen again .

It nearly made me cry out .
I lost myself .

but to promise and remind myself ,

I will be strong !

that keeps me moving on .

2011-09-10T22:59:00.002+08:00

I promise not to shed a tears anymore .

Lets just end in a friendly way , no matter how deep love it is ,

Let it go , before it could be more worst and pain .

There's no cure and pain killer for love ache .

2011-09-09T22:54:00.000+08:00

You know yourself cant handle with love .

You know you get hurt each and every time when somebody loves and when you started to have some feelings on that person .

But , you are that naive wanted to drop yourself in that hole and wanted to try it again and again .

At last , you failed and cried and said you dont want to fall in love again .

Again and again , another person came by and tell that he fall for you again ,

Again , you wanted to be naive and fall again .

OLIVIA JANESSA SEW ! wake up !

slaps

2011-09-05T14:21:00.000+08:00

I will not tell you how i feel now ,

I do not want to tell you how i feel now ,

I hope things come from your words ease my heart words and ache ,

I hope things get back to normal ,

Im sorry

mak ai .

2011-08-22T18:52:00.000+08:00

I heart the way you make me feel warm .

I opened my eyes widely when you explain clearly what's soulmate all about .

I blinked my eyes vigorously when you said september aunt is going along .

I laughed and being happy for the moment after you being around.

I like the way you being chronic and tell you " dont chronic "

I heart the way you tell " sayang you ".

Calistus Martin :)

the guy that you call d'calistus , ulau ken :)

fun and laughing all the way ,

aduh for every thing that olivia says.

phone rings day and night :)

sweet tooth

what's more to reject from this guy ?

caring and lovely , ngeeeeee...i know you wont see this .

suka hati je nak post ni .

lalalala

blank

2011-08-06T10:58:00.000+08:00

blank brain .

do you think im alright ?

bored.

busy for exam

all the beees are around.

boo. :(

need love , daddie :) mummie :)

its been awhile

2011-07-20T23:26:00.000+08:00

hola ! welcome me back ?

again its a long story all along these while and 2 bad news before the good one comes.

Mother side ; granny passed away 3 weeks ago on monday and Kaiye passed away on last wednesday and it was not an easy acceptance due to sudden cardiac arrest .

Praying and finger crossing hope that everyone return to the mood and get used to daily with happiness again.

I finger crossed.

Anyhoos,I had great fun in this two weeks because its Community Health Nursing posting and it was fun than i thought,my clinical area was in POLIKLINIK SERI KEMBANGAN and we went 4 home visiting,yesterday to SJK(C) SERDANG BARU (2),and tomorrow we are going to RUMAH KANAK - KANAK ISTIMEWA.The canon are along the way with us shooting and capturing all the happy moments and because its once only in our diploma,its freaking excited whenever we get to hear and know we are going to a new place with different experience.

The children in the primary reminds me how I behave and how small I look when I was at that age,they gave a lot of memories and I noticed I've grown up :) ehehehehe.sowwwwiiieee !

I know I've put on a lot of weight but this time I really dont mind cause there's a lot of thing I already think through,some people might get their perfect curves and whatever it is but not happy cause of starving or any other tricky ways to get the perfect aim,I choose to be happy rather than thinking of it and just wanna let it be.I know time will comes when its right :) agree?

So what's more ? Just be happy and I am now.

There's a freaking melting news from dad just now.When he knows that Im going to RUMAH KANAK-KANAK ISTIMEWA tomorrow for visiting,he asked why didnt I notice him earlier so that he could prepare something as well for them,he's always that sweet and caring and not least , cause he's my sunshine :)

Heart you dad.

你喜歡嗎

2011-06-10T17:17:00.000+08:00

其實有沒有人陪真的那麼重要嗎？

逃

2011-06-07T13:11:00.000+08:00

我，喜歡逃避，因為我不喜歡面對事實，

事實很殘酷，很令人傷心，令人痛苦，令人悲哀。

我不喜歡面對。

情願活在自己的世界，讓一切完美，快了痛快，遠離傷心的事實。

有時候不顧一切的為身邊的人奮鬥，努力，容忍，不過一切都有限度。

人不珍惜，何苦執著。

我很累，真的很累，累得哭的力氣也沒了。

我不要，不要看見殘酷的真實，

其實活着也不是很快了。

對家人的容忍，不曾珍惜。

對愛情，別想了，我玩不起。

對友情，真心朋友，有幾個？

告訴我活着的意義？隨你答，不過請做得到才說。

我，不在乎人家怎樣看我，只在乎我怎樣的過，

不過說真的，人生真的很悶。

Its a beautiful day but I cant see it.

2011-06-04T17:38:00.001+08:00

laughing and smiling like there's nothing happened ,

inside the heart the tears could really speaks my word,

I aint yours cause you aint mine,

I couldnt speak out any to you cause I know its not worthwhile and its meaningless.

The day its beautiful but I just cant see it through.

Do you ?

war

2011-05-29T15:48:00.000+08:00

I just lose in the war , it does not brings me down .

I m s t r o n g , I k n o w I c a n g o t h r o u g h t h i s p a i n.

I just have to cry for a night and it will be alright in the next morning .

I m j u s t t h o u g h e n o u g h t o h a n d l e t h i s .

I think I will go insane if I kept on feeling right and left

I t s j u s t s o h a r d t o c o n t r o l a n d f o r g e t.

I told my self not to expect too high and now I fell deep .

When Its Friday .

2011-05-27T21:31:00.001+08:00

Holla ! Its friday night :)

Just woke up not long after class and had a short walk with sugar mama in giant .

I just couldnt stop thinking and laughing about last night ,

about one plus imma woke up and looking at the time , it was only 1.19am. Imma roll on the bed and couldnt sleep until 2 plus , Imma had weird dreams and haha ! Imma fell from the bed , this was the first time after so long which everytime almost fall. The butt was pain and no joke , its painful . what a night for imma .
The brother from next room told me this afternoon he thought was pigeon fell on the roof top and it was actually his sis fell from bed ! this joke is killing me !!

And like usual imma suppose to wake for 4 plus and after waking up imma realised it was 5 plus and imma was freaking sleepy .After preparing and almost going to college , it started to rain heavily , and so bad the brother dont even want to offer an umbrella to send me to the car ,pretending to sleep at that time , you are so bad my brother ! garrrrrrr..

Got stucked in the jam after half an hour , received a message from cheng lai and told that dont have to rush as our time table changed.

Slowly driving and I was stucked for another half an hour , a journey that suppose to be reached in 25-30 minutes it doubles up ! The most scary thing was when once I entered the class my tutor was in , stunted me , looking her smiling and went into toilet :) luckily I did not get any morning tutorial from her .

Next week stuffed with presentation and papers , hopefully pass all and managed to overcome the questions with wisdom , oh gosh .

There will be a week of sem break , yes its sem break and its a week after a 10 weeks studying block I tremendously urge for that :)

I promised I am going to prepare nicely for my posting cause I really dont wanna get any stress and sadness in . :D

Anyhoos , there's something in my mind still worrying now , hopefully tomorrow can solve it and really get an answer with confident .

ahhhhhhhh ! :)

Pa.

2011-05-16T14:51:00.000+08:00

Kaiye,he's in front of me now.Of course Im in Kaima's house suppose to be studying and reading notes for this week formative but chatting,surfing the net and thinking of shopping just interrupting my focus on studies.

Hehe.

Just before I came here,I drove to Chi Liung Garden to buy some tarts from Monkee as a tea break for kaima and mommy,where a syaitan driving milky white myvi and passed by me,i dont know how to describe that sound that made my side mirror dropped and fly the monster away. Syaitan BETOL !

Wasting time to drive to the accessories shop and fixing a new one.I was one hour late to be here.

Looking at kaiye lying on the chair and resting,couldnt move around not even standing really made my heart aches,lil red notto ants biting his wound and fingers but he has no strenght or even sensation to feel the pain,the pain not only in his skin,but also in our hearts ; kaima have to do everything and cleaning him up and taking care the two sayangs in the house was really tiring .

Baby Raymond already learnt to walk and climb,now he used to hold my hands and walk to the door wanted to go shopping and outings,and Baby Keanu neck just nice to be stable and learning to watch cartoons ! :)

Happy Doodlee-Doo.

Both of them are just two lovely sayangs

Anyhoos,dont be surprise why am I online now in here,fb and also msn cause today is a replacement of holiday for attending saturday class and you know its so great cause tomorrow is wesak !

by the way I woke up as early as 4 plus like usual :)

Fudge.

2011-05-09T19:58:00.003+08:00

OhMan,ImNotAlrightNow.
HelpMe,PullMeOut !
WhyTheHellIKeptOnThinkingBoutYou.
ImNotSupposeTo.
IHateYou,YouMadeMeCantConcentrateWhatImSupposeToBeTo.
ImSoNotGoingToFallForYou.

This is meaningfool.

2011-05-08T12:35:00.000+08:00

Why say 'tomorrow' when you could do it today?

After all, tomorrow is only one day away.

Why say later? When you could say 'now?'

Why ask 'why,' when you can ask 'how.'

Why wait for more when you really need less?

Why jump to 'no' when the answer is 'yes.'

Why use two when just one will do?

Why wait for others, today starts with you.

more to burst.

2011-05-06T17:04:00.000+08:00

Every time you appear I feel happy.
Every time words out from your mouth I feel stunting
Every time I ignore all the things that you said and done
But this time I really wouldnt want to talk to you.
Because you have triggered my weakness that I do not want to face
and Luckily I did not fell for you

Being the truth to tell you I dont like you eversince I know you
You know me but you ignore things that I dont like and just being you
You are so humour sense that I feel wanna box you
You are so yourself that you wouldnt care other feelings
You are so free that you did not realised others have their works to do
You are so happy when you are in your world without seeing others good
you are just so B*S*T*R*D

You are just so jealous about others till you want to knock off everyone
You are so jealous when the world is not yours
You are so jealous when others is better than you
till you forgets that there's nothing perfect in the world.

Hello a day.

2011-05-04T14:49:00.000+08:00

a day,day by day and day passed by.

we are getting mature,mature and more mature by learning.

everyday is everything going smooth and happy ?

is everyone being good and same like the days as you know them?

healthy and cheerful ?

I noticed things changing day by day,

I try to take things positively and ignore what I do not wanted to know.

I try to ignore the sadness around and just pretend to be nothing.

But I really couldnt stand when the realistic is getting worser.

I pray everyday hope everything goes fine,everyone to be happy and healthy.

I finger crossed that hope nothing bad would happen.

Ive visited my sayang " baby raymond" and kaima as well on saturday and hols.

Kaiye usually will be in the living room siting and watching tv or either lying down resting,

now only when passing through his room only will see him and he will ask me to do him few favours.

He's no more strong like the olden days,thou he is rough and rude in scolding us,but I prefer that way because he was so energetic at that time,kaima and elvin sometimes does fight back,but I rather see it in that way that he can eat well and talk back.

I dont want to see him falling down with his swollen legs,couldnt even walk even with walking frame,asking for help to bring him to the toilet.
I dont want the next time when I see him he's crying and telling that he's useless and complaining of pain.

I want kaiye to get better.stronger.healthier.happier.

Imma today puasa,because imma requested for something from the god and imma really feels suffer when there's no food for imma.

Imma hope puasa really works and also chanting as a supplement for kaiye.

Imma doesnt want kaiye to admit to hospital or any where there brings moan to imma.

I just want everyone to be healthy and fine.

Happily being together.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S happy along together

F.A.M.I.L.Y living harmony.

No more bad news to test my strength.

Imma dont like life challenge by testing imma's strength with people around.

Imma precious everyone.I mean it. :'(

窮也可以很快了

2011-04-30T14:47:00.001+08:00

窮真的可以很快了

在花錢之前會想錢從那兒來，錢該不該花，錢的來臨。

這一切在昨天發生在一位朋友的身上，黃清萊，在大學的朋友。

昨天和大學的朋友們去了MID VALLEY，因下星期她和MURALI 要去GALA NIGHT，這小丫頭，出生到現在身體還是小小只的，很大吃不過還是胖不起來，是不是很好奇為什麼他會加入護士叻，嘻嘻。

昨天去找了給她雙可愛的腳找雙GALA NIGHT 要穿的鞋，我的天啊，連4号的鞋子對她來說還是很大雙，走了一個下午，找不到，結果買了些上課可以穿到的衣服褲子就載了她回。回到小丫頭的家，只看見清萊的母親坐在一張紅色的椅子上等著兒子和女兒的回來，看見她問候了才知道阿姨（清萊的母親）還沒吃晚餐，都已經九點多了，原來阿姨等著富光（清萊的弟弟）的回來才一起吃，好感懂，因為就算爸媽再等也不會等我那麼遲地回來吃，他們家雖然不是很富有，清萊的父親也在她小學的時候去世了，不過這小丫頭很堅強，看她也很快樂，人見人愛。

我與阿姨談天了一會兒，清萊就換上了她剛買的褲子讓阿姨看，阿姨很開心因為小丫頭的SIZE很難找，結果在問了買了多少錢的時候，我和小丫頭說了RM80，阿姨立刻吓到，眼睛睜開得很大說了，RM80????OLIVIA,這好貴哦，我心也被吓了，因為如果衣服是這價錢我覺得很貴，不過褲子的價錢不通常是這價錢嗎？那時候我才知道原來錢對他們來說是那麼的重要，我覺得很慚愧因為一直叫小丫頭買那件褲子。以後都不敢了，她們很知足現在擁有的，也不要求什麼，阿姨告訴我她只要求清萊過得開心。

自足常樂，在這小丫頭身上真的體會了不少。

每天嘻嘻哈哈的，BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE.

人有錢沒錢還不是一樣過得很快樂

有錢不一定買到快樂，沒錢也一樣可以過得很快了。

有錢沒錢的生活看個人的想法，生活的要求永遠比不完，擁有再多的錢，也不一定有福去花。

小丫頭，你真的是很好的朋友：）

2011-04-21T16:50:00.000+08:00

知道嗎，今天突然被班長說：“ 你可以靜靜嗎？” 的一句，下午的課就靜了下來。很憤怒的很想罵回不過沒勇氣。只用了安靜這兩個字來容忍。我不知道自己是不是那麼的吵鬧當我問朋友是他們卻說沒有，不過如果沒有的話別人也不會說啊。

這一句讓我傷得很透因為從不想像她會這樣的告訴我，好直接。

當我在回的路上，很想喊，大大聲的喊，不過喊了也好像沒什麼作用，靜了下來再想想，可能容忍了我很久，但自己沒發覺到，今天卻狠狠地被罵了，甘願咯

其實這幾天在班上的確發生了很多事情，班上的朋友們的相罵，相諷刺，其實對方一點都不好受，雙方都有錯，一方想道歉不過另一方卻不肯，那要吵到幾時呢？

在網上POST上那些傷害人的話，很開心嗎？你的目的要讓我們朋友之間們吵架，大亂，和沒朋友才開心，還要我們哭和痛苦。好像沒什麼人性。

完畢

act like this.

2011-04-19T19:43:00.000+08:00

a scenario,live and about all of us.

thou I do not want to talk about how last time we used to be together but now I doubt about the happenings.

everyday I heard stories from friends that how are our used to friends treat us and talking about each other,is that so important to talk about the others rather than studying? the classmates are only left wtih 38 yet then we still dont get along with the others? what's the problem now?

aint your heart feel congested with all these?

when to come an end? dont fight back by telling you will make it an end to make us this and that because of your anger and some said its about jealousy? what it is all about? talking bout us an aint looking back to yourself why we talk about it?

uhhhhh-.-

2011-04-07T19:24:00.000+08:00

Bulls Eye !

why everytime fever im always one of the victim ?

low immune ?

i always catch fever without notice.

uhhhh- really gonna concern bout health after jack going back to aus this sunday.

back to books :)

anyhoos,this week more to enjoy.

ohhhhhh :)))

Imma couldnt bear to lose things.

2011-04-04T13:11:00.000+08:00

what's the feelings of loosing something all the time that be with you?

is it like loosing a family member which is close to you?

tell me what's the thing that make you feels that couldnt buy it even with money,even a millionaire you couldnt buy it with money.

For imma,things that couldnt buy with it that's alot,but now in my mind now imma couldnt help out herself to figure it out where's her E.S.S that all along with it.Imma's carelessness really brings down the mood and imma is missing you E.S.S,can you please come back.Imma know she can have a new one but I really couldnt let you go,you appears in my mind and everything Imma does now Imma couldnt really concentrate,you're imma's soul you know right.Im sorry my carelessness drop you at the corner in someplace,but please come back.

Imma is starting her sem 4 now and the first week already started with assignments and presentation which imma knows she really have to work hard for everything.Imma's vision is getting more blur as the day pass by due to facing too much in the laptop and not enough rest,Imma dont know how much it increases the power but imma do not wanted to get blind,even the television words in front of imma not a far distance but its still a blur vision.

Imma lost E.S.S now and no soul is there for imma to support and go along imma,imma dont know whether did imma push too hard on you till you need a break and left imma or just a temporary you wanna leave imma,but imma really miss you,without you,imma dont know which way to go.To be independent imma needs you.You changed imma to a better person you knows !

.

2011-04-03T10:50:00.002+08:00

CAN JUST LET ME SCREAM OUT ALL THE RUDE WORDS?

IMMA AINT HAPPY NOW !

You better understand before everything breaks up.

2011-03-21T14:30:00.001+08:00

You might be someone who can provide me car,luxuries,fancy lifestyle and everything I want

You might be someone who can cheer me up all the time

You might be someone who can solve my problem when im in trouble

You might be someone who can precious me and im a sugar babe in your heart

but if my heart doesnt belongs to you,im not yours,no matter what you do to get my heart,you know im not a person who is easy to tackle thou im an easy going person with you,all I wanna say to you is im just comfort to be friends with you.

Love is not the time for me now.

I hope you understands and T h a n k y o u f o r u n d e r s t a n d i n g.
I dont love you like a bf but only a friend. -.-

2011-03-06T18:20:00.002+08:00

Anyone if you have any slimming tips just let me know :)

tai gong came just now and looked at me,smiling and asking..girl,you very happy ar?

Elo? exam period,not happy.why yea?

taigong : see your face so chubby d .

wtf

i did not realised that i puff that much.

irritates my eyes now.

just give me some time to figure it out

2011-03-04T22:23:00.000+08:00

YEA,imma is asking for time to figure it out cause imma wants to plan

how do i plan.organise and everything back to normal.

dont worry

imma willl loose weight and back to normal :D

wait for me,give me two months time.I really need it to recover due to some problems
<3

2011-02-28T01:55:00.002+08:00

imma is not joking,imma really feels syncope (blackout) sometimes in nowadays.

imma suspect having brain tumour that sometimes something suppressing imma's brain

imma told aunt and mom but no one really concern about it.

oh dear,what should I do now.

2011-02-26T01:28:00.000+08:00

imma got hectic and tired of coming exams and crosses to complete.

imma is tension and that's what is all about.

imma got evaluation that imma is doing all the nonsence and non related things

imma got things that kept inside the heart which imma couldnt sounds out to anyone as imma knows imma always a kiddo in anyone's eyes cause you thought imma will never grown up.

you told imma to think out of the box today,think,plan,organize,leader and workout,you ask imma that imma has any questions to question but you didnt thought that imma would say no cause imma got enough titans from you that hurts imma tons and tons.

you did not think before how imma feels when your atomic boms accidently or purposely drop out whatever it is..imma criticising you has a laser mouth but imma still have to respect you for nothing. :P

anyhoos,imma accept whatever you said and watch out imma collecting all the shyts like great grand daddie and imma gonna give it all back to you one day.INSYALLAH.

2011-02-06T17:59:00.000+08:00

This is what's on DNM locker to motivate and energise her self.

Enjoy the quotations.

2011-02-05T13:30:00.000+08:00

2011-01-24T16:39:00.000+08:00

晴天雨天都是好天，

相信天天好天這部新上映的電影很多人都看了

我與二哥，佩利（二個的女友），啊乐和碧湘姐姐上星期六去看了，

這次看電影，都和二哥去看，有時與他的朋友，反正MBO就在家裡這兒附近，

福建面的乳癌，讓我們每個都嘻嘻哈哈的在戲院笑，校花那不包煤氣的性格，子欣的我拿到A我就請你吃ASAM LAKSA :)

不同的角色，又不同的快樂和取笑。

啊，很想看笑着回家 :D

2011-01-24T16:23:00.000+08:00

今天，是第一天在ANTE NATAL 和 POST NATAL POSTING,

第一天的早晨，如果買早餐就遲到了

REPORT PASS 完了之後，來個快ORIENTATION,

之後就去每間病人的房間換床單，

去到了一間房，病人說她還沒洗澡，

那我和一位學妹就準備了抹身的紙巾，

誰知她連身有個尿袋還穿內褲，

搞得我們沒有準備新內褲與衛生棉，也不知她有穿啊，其實話說回來我們也有錯，因為我們沒注意與觀察，這次真的很大的教訓。

我與學妹在廁所裡被臭罵了一頓，之後尋找了教師來幫忙，

結果還她被罵又還她被侮辱，這真是讓我傷透了，護士的日子，再這樣多這樣的病人，天啊！

後來才知道，原來她上星期進院時，脾氣就是那樣了，沒一個頂得順她，

醫生也不想理。算了啦，都過了，你們都知道小魚的脾氣愛嘮叨過後就沒事了。

嘻，讀者們，沒悶壞吧？

回到來，媽媽又說謊因為要我接受某些東西，知道我心軟，每次抓緊我的痛腳來壓我，到頭來沒拆穿媽媽的計謀，結果又吵了，大哥也不例外，買食物給他，還問我搞屁買，不喜歡就丟咯。不想和他吵那麼多。

浪費力氣。

晚餐時間快到啦，富全每星期一都沒開，等下又頭痛想吃什麼咯，

有時絕的吃，還挺浪費時間的。

哈哈。

2011-01-23T16:51:00.001+08:00

I dont mind how people think bout me,

my wearing,my appearance,how I approach to people.

think about it,we live for our own,why should we care about others?

But think back,we live with others,

we have to listen to the elderly and sometimes even the younger one,

I dont know how previously I speak immannersly that made people think that I'm rude,

I A M S O R R Y.MINTA APOLOGIZE !

T H A N K Y O U.

In few months,I have different and huge changes,again..

whenever relatives or parent's friends saw me,oh gosh,girl you changed a lot.

that sentence never ran out of their mouth by talking bout that.

As people knows me,yea..I've put on a pack of rice weight since people are saying you are too skinny olive,and now..people used to say,hey girl..you've put on weight,

a smile just to ignore it all the feelings and unwanted to answer question.

My wearing really shocks my great grandaddie,talking bout him,there's two more days to go to the tai gong birthday,sort of missing him cause I've a little present for him.

He told me to change my wearing to approach more polite to people,

Aunt recommend a hair cut to change my appearance,

Another thing to aim now is to change my temper,

thou you know I can smile all the time for nothing,but as you people know I get irritates in the next second when you bug me up,so its time to change

to change everything in everyway for a better life and better me.

wish me luck

Daddy,I WANT A TREADMILL ! :)

2011-01-22T18:09:00.000+08:00

I have no direction

I have no aim

which leads me to what I am.

I am what I am.

Nothing,as simple as that.

I do not want anything,which possible to be complicated.

cause I know I'm not ready to be.

I'm single,that's true.cause I wanna be pampered by all.

I know I'm selfish cause I dont wanna share the love.

Not that I dont love you,cause I'm not ready to love you.

You dont know what you want,cause you are still young,but you thought you know it all.

You love me,you said so,but how long for the period of time?

You dont know me well,you dont even know who I am,

A little real fish,that will swims away when it is time,

but the time doesnt allow me to swim to you,

cause the fish knows that we are not apair.

choose you journey with a brighter person,not me.

you know you belongs to your parents as well,dont swim to my pond,

I would not let you to stay long cause you know you dont like to swim.

you lazy monkey swimmer.

I'm not ready to love somebody nor to be loved,thank you.

you think you can change my mind and my character?

I C H A L L E N G E Y O U.

sevol.

Delivering of the fetus,placenta and membrane vaginally.NOT ME !

2011-01-22T17:05:00.000+08:00

You know what happened last week?

Where I were?

I was in the LABOUR WARD.

yeah,you did not think to the wrong side.

Live watching how pregnancy gave birth,

You know how?

Midwife will say : "1,2,3 and PUSH..longer,longer,longer and hard one,

yeah,that's the way..somemore somemore..you are doing great "
I t w a s a g o o d e x p e r i e n c e.

and when baby's head really comes out from the vaginal part,shamely and proudly to said..

" i cried before baby's first lung expansion and breathe on its own "

you know kan? :)

When I was first standing beside the pregnancy,looking at her stomach and i was thinking,how is the fetus is going to come out from the birth canal?

helping the mid wife to say push somemore push somemore..the fetus really came out and become the new born,its tremendously touching.

I W A S S O E X C I T E D.

when I came back,I couldnt hold my breathe and wanted to tell momma and aunty how's the feeling and what I saw on that day,too bad they aren't at home.So I went and have a short nap and after they reached home,I couldnt wait till the next second to arrive and tell them the whole story.

I forget about all the bloody stuff which you will ask me whether i'm afraid of blood or not.

I really enjoyed my nursing study.

I love nursing.I can say that again. <3

If you ask me another time,why I join nursing?

I just love the feeling of it walking and passing through the war moments.sincerely.

The first time standing beside the pregnant mother,father of the newborn and midwife inside the room,telling the mother what to do,waiting the contractions,cervix to dilate and everything,you know the fun of nursing begins,till the newborn was successfully delivered although sometimes using forceps or vaccum extractor or instrumental stuff which sometimes really scares you,but when the newborn delivered safely,everyone feels happy ; mother and father of newborn,nurse,and midwife..

Baby,is really the symbol of love from the parents,the production and the gift from god.

Yesh,and three days experienced in the nursery was a really fun and cant wait till the next day to go and see them.

Morning you check their pampers,wipe their meconium,hold them,wrap them..its really fun.

They cried and yawn,like you never want them to keep their mouth close cause they are fun size and they almost looks the same ! HAHA.

I remember the 2 days most fun baby was 3.74 kg,thou he doesnt wants breastmilk and only wants supplement S26 milk from the hospital,I couldnt forget how I fed him with his chubby and when he feels full.

He will shakes his head telling no more feeding and it really shocks me cause its only a few days baby.Sweet niblets,thou he burps and fart after feeding,but yet he will still vomit out some milk and his sleepy face always made me think of him,Christiando :0)

The experience of showering them,seeing different baby sizes,different reaction,different movements,nursery was fun <3

I wonder how paeds ward will be.

I know how difficult mummy delivered me,and her heart stops after delivering because the so lazy me did not turn my head and made momma suffer from post partum haemorrhage,you know sometimes when you live with someone too long,you always had arguements which I think its really nothing big matter.

Mommy always lecture me which sometimes feels irritates,but think it again,that's nothing to feel sad about cause definitely she get hurts more than I do,the go through in labour ward and nursery made me to be more mature and calm when facing mommy.

Mom doesnt likes me to be playful which she thinks It will influence my attitude and manners.

Mom is too serious sometimes.

Yet,I still loves you MOMMA :)

Labour is not fun but its worth while to be.

After All.

2011-01-22T16:38:00.000+08:00

Its not a big matter,after all..

Looking the photos and recalling,thinking and wondering,I'm not prepared to being mature and getting older.

You discovered my feelings and ask me not to stress so much.

You pamper me by giving what I want,no matter how expensive it is.

I sinfully destroyed everything and did not appreciate everything you gave me.

I pretend to know nothing at all just want your care.

I realised how sinful I am to spent all the no-use stuff.

I love the nike air shoes which cause 1/2 K and yet you told me to buy it if I like it.

I know you loved me and thank you dad,you are the only one who always treat me and let me role like a princess at home.

You never blame my stubborness and yet you always try and do something to cheer me up.

You never ground me at home and let me go wherever I want.

You call me and ask me to be careful when driving and ask me to come back early.

You hold my hands and buy me everything I want when shopping.

You give sincerely comments when we are buying clothings.

You laugh at me when I'm sitting as you know my toes is pain.YOU KNOW WHY.

Polydactylyl happens when I were born.

You are the one who comes to my bed and said " girl,its time for dinner " or when I'm sleeping, you always ask and wait for me " girl,go and shower and we go for our dinner "

You make all those little sweet stuffs and made me wait for you everything before I goes to bed.

You made me to sleep in your room while waiting you to come back and ask me to make the hazelnut + 4 teaspoon of creamer coffee to you.

You did not reject for what I request like a princess.

You would not let me to play football or boxing cause you dont want me to get hurt.

I <3 you dad :)

beingyourdaughteritsthemostP.E.R.F.E.C.Tpresentforeverycelebrations.

fucking once.

2011-01-10T17:29:00.000+08:00

Other than the word fucking,oh sorry please forgive my rudeness to being rude :)

I'm so fucking happy today.

It was a happie-ie-eee afternoon.

After being late to the ward,after being scared and being blurred dont know what's going to do.

I got a news that my patient ( which I incharge today with the staff nurse ) today is going to deliver !

Was going to her room in and out,preparing all the delivering stuffs,waiting and waiting..finally she's going to deliver,but as we have to follow the rules,only one student nurse are allowed into the room at one time.So I was just so fucking wanna go in and see but too bad I was just outside the station there and waiting.Yawwwww...suddenly reading the books and I heard baby crying sounds.Qucikly I slap over Sara's shoulder and shouted at her : Hey,baby is crying :)

Awwwww.Iwishiwereintheroom.

Nevermind.Both of us went for break and after awhile in the afternoon,call bell came sudden and went to attend with the staff nurse,she allows me to stay in the room with patient,looking at the contraction,asking her to push push..after all the steps,finally midwife came.An ASD was done and when baby cames out..he was not cried yet but I did.

YOUKNOWHOWFUCKINGTOUCHINGTHEMOMENTIS.

My first experience.It was like so sudden,no prepaparation.nothing but surprise and touching.

You finally did it and congrats to mama M*****

may god bless and baby grows in a healthy and smarty life :)

A moveout.

2011-01-09T14:06:00.001+08:00

we always argue and talking bad bout each other.

for many years,we havent been good even thou one day.

we've been holding and tolerating but not in a sincere heart.

we do not want to see each other,either looking at you or looking at me.

my voices always irritates you,you dont want me to be here.Yes I am sure you are.

dont lie to yourself,you know how fucking much you hated me for years,

we are no longer going to be staying together.

After yesterday,I really couldnt tolerate or neither you tolerates me anymore.

I choose to live,live on my own,I will move,

to a place where I suppose to belong.

A place that will gives me peace and freedom

A place where I live that you wont see me in klang area

A place after I left you wont listen to the irritating sheepy birdy voices that when you hear you wanna shut me up.

A place that after left you could have more freedom and spacious for you to live,

A place that you wont see the fluffy sister that annoys you and eating up all the leftovers,

You could have your peace,your parents,your brother,your room,your daily living freedom and calm,nobody is going to argue with you anymore,

you wont be smelling the smell of mine that when it passes by you will spray the air purifier and bangs the door all around when you sees me.

You wont be yelling for stupid or idiot to your sister anymore.

I know I'm not important to you cause mom will be the one who replace washing all the dishes that you like to be on the table and throwing all the rubbish to outside.

I will be no longer here,I've made my decision,to move out,to make the house peace and also to stop the war that we've been holding so long..

Its too long,sorry for dragging the time and thanks for your tolerating.

I'm sure and very sure this is not a ridiculous decision Alan,you know how bad the situation it is now between me and eldest brother.

So this year its so gonna be independent?

I hope after moving,everything will be smooth sailing to you and everyone in the family.

Love,

Olivia

2011

2011-01-05T20:15:00.001+08:00

You know new year ARRIVED 2011 :)

You know new goals to be set.

You know new aim to go for.

You know you have to work harder

You know you have to play harder

You know you have to sleep harder

You know you have to enjoy harder

You know you have to reset your mind to think everything positively

You know you have to spend more money on everything

You know you dont want to miss the SALE.Ooo-Laaa-Laaa

You know you have to diet harder to fit on all those pretty pretty clothings

You know you have to move faster before you stays in the back lane

You know you have to love everyone arounds more than previously cause they are more to loved !

You know you would not want to miss out anything before you regrets

You know you can do it because you are Olivia Janessa Sew Yee Zhen.LOVES

You know everyone will love you more cause they are giving out angpaos in this new year.Ohhhh..triple loves but I only have two days to celebrate.anyhoos,its enough for me to korek all your pockets :)

more to love,olivia

2010-12-22T23:37:00.000+08:00

imma doesnt feel like talking suddenly.

stupidly,good night.

What thoughts you have.

2010-12-09T13:13:00.005+08:00

have you seen imma's new hair?

its so like coconut and it looks so funny when imma's first impression of look.

ok..its alright..anyway imma had the trim and aunt suggest to have a new image on imma so imma decide to have it a try.tock-tock.today's the fourth day of imma with her look so far imma feels alright because the hair is growing but when the first day of critcise from friends made imma really upset but imma just remain quiet cause imma knows that imma couldnt do anything else.

monday imma wore baju kurung that bought by honey daddy to class since it was the first day of new image so imma decide to wear new clothings.imma got feedback that baju kurung was nice and imma's hair looks awful.It made imma's tears rolls down in the heart.

Imma's not going to mention who is she but imma gonna accept and face the truth.

OK.IMMA NEEDS A BIG HUG FOR THIS (:

Oh gosh,sorry dear jack I know I havent told you that I had my hair cut d and imma wants to give you a surprise you know imma always do :D

I enjoyed shopping with her last saturday in pyramid after my moral paper and both of us was oh gosh..cant wait for our next shopping :)

hee..december is the most muchie fun month because you know what falls on this month and you know its the month that summarize how's the year goes on..for imma..time really flies!

Imma wonder how is imma's birthday going to be in year and imma had a great feel of getting all the warmth and loves.

Imma also have additional people that really cares for imma this year.

Imma loves HONEY DADDY AND SUGAR MAMA LIKE THEY ARE IRREPLACEABLE.

IMMA LOVES TIGER DADDY AS HIS WORDS ALWAYS COMES INTO MIND THAT UNLIMITED TUTORIAL WAS GIVEN.From changing a stubborn baby tiger to a tiger that wanted to be grateful of all.

IMMA like TAI GONG as he is D'PUMPKIN OF HALLOWEEN fella that being strange to imma but fun at some times that talks about life and explain about things that imma doesnt understands to imma.

Imma really wanna stick to puteri that made imma's day goes all that up in the sky dancing and joget around.Hee~

oh oh oh..and and and the special ayah comel..imma will never forget what he wanted to give to imma :)

Imma would not want to get money from anyone which imma was not supposed to take..sorry ayah comel for disappointing you but imma was grateful that you're the ayah comel for me and imma couldnt imagine the first day when imma saw you imma thought you are the tukang air that repairs the toilet. HAHA ! sorry ayah comel..you know how straight forward imma is and heee..thank you for the message yesterday asking is imma feeling alright now and to share about imma's sadness around.

Imma wanted to payback the thanks and thoughts to people that imma loves by changing herself.

Imma hope that all of imma's sayang like imma's changes from the bad,unpleasant to a new and better impression for all of you .

Imma will accept and face the truths after all of the nonsence happened but all the sayangs always being around.

Imma might be quiet sometimes but that doesnt means imma is going to do anything brainless or whatever..and imma promised to learn to approach to people more pleasantly and more politely..

puteri..thanks for the memories but you filled up my life by dancing freely in the house and in the car..LOLS.

I miss you and thank you puteri :)

Imma will never forget how you teach imma to dance.

For all of that and everything.

IMMA LOVES ALL OF YOU.

jappy style.

2010-12-05T18:36:00.002+08:00

whether you like it or not..its your faith to accept what is given..true?

ehehhe..imma went for new haircut today.

its a totally change and imma laugh all the evening after the haircut cause imma couldnt accept how imma looks like now and mummy said imma look fresher and neat.

aunt said imma will see the differences after one week..so imma hope so..

imma looks so like japanese doll now..so tremendously funny !

this is the first time imma went to new saloon instead of barber ng cause his shop was full with customers..so aunt suggest to go to another one.

well..not bad..but it still makes imma laugh whenever imma see's on the mirror.

may be its the fringe too short or whatever..so imma pray now hair grow faster.. :D

2010-12-01T19:59:00.002+08:00

you know when you triggers imma temper with scolding imma for idiopathic reasons.

you know imma is so gonna be upset and cry.

the revenge for imma is either remain silent or split it back to you.

sorry mom,imma dont know why you are so mad today and scolded imma for few times and let go your anger to imma.

you know imma is tremendously sad with something yet momma..imma really wants to apologise and hope you understands.

imma hates to get scold and yell on imma.

imma dont like this memory on the 1st of december.

hope everythings goes fine.

love you mom.

Imma and Imma's.

2010-11-26T13:49:00.002+08:00

oh mamma mia..

imma is addicted with the word imma and using imma here and there.

Imma still left three paper to go and imma is going to posting so soon.

Imma's birthday is arriving soon but imma is going to pass the day in hospital..

Imma is so not sure yet what's the shift on that day and daddie sugar pie said to celebrate in Setapak chong something restaurant..forgot the name d.And honey pie Jacky has came back..Imma misses her blardy much and havent meet up since tomorrow have to meet up uncle halloween aka great grand daddie.So the dating have to be delayed.

Thankful next week its the last week of imma's formative.

Imma promised ayah comel,and sugar daddie to concentrate on studies but at the same time also imma is going to have fun along with it.

Hopefully stress and everything dont come to imma's life so imma can laugh around and enjoy with all the munchies.hehehee..

Imma is happy cause today is friday-ay-ay!! Its a yay yay day.

Actually imma posted something yesterday on the blog and with the idiopathic cause the internet shut down and imma post lost !!! Its alright..anyhoos its not a happy post.

yesterday night imma had fun playing mahjong with momma and brothers.

2010-11-25T22:03:00.002+08:00

sometimes imma look back in the contacts.

imma look at your facebook.

imma thought that action that imma did imma was missing you till imma really realised that it was not.you are nothing to imma.

imma just that wants some happy moments.

imma enjoy her life now.

imma is gaining each and everyday..yeah in the endo and exo..the knowledge,experience and weight.

imma was told that imma gained weight.yesssshh,imma admit..but that;s season..imma always like that..lose and go :)

dont worry..imma wont be a fei po :P

great grand daddie

2010-11-21T21:18:00.003+08:00

I danced happily and smoothly.LOVES

great grand daddie said its time to focus on studies and no more nonsence and wandering dangling around.

I am going to meet him on sunday-ay-ay !

he is so someone that I feel weird at first and now..he's so fun to go along.

and and and..i'm still in the mood of here and there.

happy for sometimes,wandering and nonsence all the time and halloween for the moment.

when it is going to stop?

aunt said let things go naturally and follow my wisdom to choose what I feel it helps and good.

granny is getting better and i'm so puppy to her on weekends that she laughs all the time when she sees me nowadays and peepooo..I'm a vegeterian most of the days now due to some praying things.

A very kindly to hope that you all understands and apologies whenever you ask me out for makan with all my favourite siew mai,honey pork ribs and all the yummy pork..its out from the list now.

but if i'm not on vegeterian..i can only take fishieee fishiie and eggy eggy :)

oh..salmon and unagi..you all are always in my mind.hee~

2010-11-11T19:44:00.003+08:00

Ok.Finally there's an answer for the questions and solution for it.

Monday?

Fairytales,Legend,Nightmares and Souls.

Should everything ends?

All depends on monday,monday and monday night.

So everything shall go back to normal but additional happiness?

I pray for it.

I hope that's the end and everything goes back to normal.

tiger daddy..i miss you loads and loadsss !!

2010-11-11T14:56:00.002+08:00

Roll roll roll...

she told me to follow my wisdom to do what I want.

if I ever feels that it helps and believed.

I know what I want but I just couldnt accept what happened.

so what should my wisdom be?

waiting for mum to come back and pamper me or should I just let everything go ?

2010-11-11T01:39:00.002+08:00

It should be a happy day went to Malacca with honeys and Jean.

But end up crying in the car when coming back because something cruel happened in the family.

I dont want to hear and dont want to accept it all.Why is it so hurtful thou does not happen to me and why I get to see it in front of my 4 eyes ?

cant all the elderly be more mature or I'm still immature.what's the point doing all that to hurt each other?

Gimme back my shopping and sleeping time !

I left out lots of notes havent studies bullyshytsss !

Loving the life.

2010-11-07T19:00:00.002+08:00

Yessshhh.I do love the holiday-ay-aysss !

Especially this deepavali nalvalthukkal :)

A new member joined the family.Laughters all around.

Fairies and Princess around the sky,

winds and moon.beers and wine.

dinners and people.

celebration of wedding,diwali and oh nasi briyani.

I had it all in these few days,malays,chinese,indians.
ALL RAWKSS !

And the most thankful,I dance.you hear me? I DANCE !

I love the dance,joget around and traditional.Oh its gonna be a lovely memorable holidays and all photos are uploaded in FACEBOOK and BOOK around.Hee~

Its a nightmare,I know my diet plan gonna fail for this holiday-ay-ay !

all the curries,nasi briyanis,nasi kunyit,nasi lemak,rendangs,muttons and chickens.Oh gosh,all the fats are accumulated,Ishkk...this holiday-ay-ay not going to loose any oils ! Instead of another rude word come out from my mouth..let's just woohoo makan and enjoy and...diet? LATER LAAAA :) still young ma..There's still alot of stuff and thingo still need to be done before any slimmy and sexy diet starts !

I love my holiday-ay-ayyyy !!

A new member of the family.

2010-11-04T16:04:00.003+08:00

a lil hearty for ah yi adeline and of course uncle victor.

with my 1 heart,

2 eyes,

7 litres of blood,

206 bones,

4.5 million red cells,

60 trillion DNA's,

wishing both of them loving and holding each other close,

in great or bad times,having trust and faith all the times.

HAPPY MARRIED LIFE.

sincerely from your niece ; Olivia Janessa Sew Yee Zhen.

Idiopathically moments

2010-11-01T20:36:00.002+08:00

hi peepo !

how's your day?

my day? how to describe?

happy in the morning and feel like another kind in the evening.

this morning did something excited again.Donated another 450ml of blood and was gradually happy.

Idiopathically I was sad in the evening.Due to some couldnt acceptance or what?

what the heck of problem I am with it now.Feeling like kiruke is it? Some stupid nonsence issue to make myself idiotically feeling sad.I miss daddy :'(

he will only be back tomorrow and I'm feeling to run away from home again.

I realised its my problem but the only only and only thing is..I really have no idea what I am up to.NONSENCE are all the question marks with me.

I feel like finding kaiye later but I dont know what to talk to kaiye since momma and aunts and family all are so busy that couldnt be bothering what am I really up to.

I know I shouldnt be thinking negatively but I'm really sad.Tears are always in the heart but who knows and who cares?

Asking me to find a boyfriend to solve everything,oh gosh..might be more conflict than friends.so just forget about it.

Sometimes when something happened..I rather choose dont know anything than I know what is it.It just so hard for me to accept the truth naturally or should I say..If I know earlier..I wouldnt want to be born.

Times with family are precious,but does everyone thinks about that? How to show the appreciation and loving about family.I really have no idea what to do to have more communication within it.So whatever it is now..I'm blurred in the way of choosing what I should really do.

PISSED OFF !

Betul Betul CILAKA!

2010-10-24T18:47:00.002+08:00

Yeneke Olivia.

Nallavea Ilea.

Kudapodungka pandi.

Yeneke rotti pudikateh !

Bor adikede tengok.

SOOTHILEH!

SALAD

2010-10-22T20:38:00.002+08:00

suddenly feeling of eating salad these few days and the sayang told me once before..

SALAD IS LIKE A GIRLY FOOD.

kanasai..its the all time favourite babe !

missed out but loving.

2010-10-19T19:10:00.002+08:00

assignments and notes from the beginning..I hope this sem I will do well like usual :D

Need a good grades but after all the effort paid..I'm not sure whether I can cope up with everything or not.

Assignments and Presentations..continously..

one not finished and another there coming by..bag getting heavier with the laptop and notes around.Table are so messy with the tiredness to clean up after reading..waking up early everyday and sleeping early everyday had missed out a lot of fun.

Thou staying at home but everything have to do it myself.But luckily I dont have to wash clothings myself since there's a washing machine but have to iron :{

I missed out movies moments with second brother.

I missed out exercise with my boundy.

I missed out sauna with my tweety.

I missed out fashion with KIMORA LEE SIMMONS!

haha..anyway..I love my studies :D

-xoxo-

2010-10-13T13:32:00.003+08:00

opening the inbox and you apologised.but..its too late cause you never realised

anyhoos its no big deal to know it through thou I dont want to accept the truth.

you will never know the truth cause I dont want to hurt you.

you are not mine and I'm not yours.

have your life and spend it through.

I have nothing to do with you...

2010-10-11T18:29:00.002+08:00

Think yourself.

How many blardy hell times you promised.To love yourself and be more pampered?

It just couldnt keep in anymore..no place to store and it have to let it out by telling you

"you are blardy chicken whatever pie thats sucksssss and idiotically bringing yourself to hell'

no facts and to be continue..the temper is increasing.

CHOCOLATE TIME !

My new toy.

2010-10-08T21:08:00.001+08:00

Thank You MOM :D

Desperately Missing YOU.

2010-10-08T20:56:00.003+08:00

I know..one day you will come back to me.

I promised to work hard and get you back

and I know I will make things fine and goes right.

I dont want to look at those tears on the mirror crying and wanted to get you back.

I'm suffered being torturing myself and forcing to accepting everything.
Its so seriously not me.

I wanted to clear my mind all the times and only thinking happy :)

why I changed so much in these few years?

I just wanna be stable,hold and still..

I miss you !

Moving a new step.

2010-10-05T15:42:00.002+08:00

Always..when you WILLING to start the steps or move on to something..you will see the difference and wanted to move on to another steps for self satisfication.

revising the notes and searching more information I seriously like studying and the most made me happy is that I dont get so stress and I hope this semester I could cope up with what left and what are the things we're going to study through..just paying slightly bits and bites of effort and at the same time I pray I could enjoy all the entertainment within studies and exams.

I dont want to loss all my hair because of ASS.TEE.ARR,EEE,ASS and ASS !

because of lacking of time but I only have 24 hours in a day and for the personal requirement..can I have more capacity for my brain? :P

Baby is gonna leave tomorrow or on thursday.I'm desperately gonna miss her.

When the day came by,we all couldnt accept and for me..you wont see me crying cause I wont cry infront of you.

Remember the first post of clown that my smiles goes upside down behind the stage?

I need BALLOONS !

Ololololo..

CD

2010-10-03T23:42:00.001+08:00

This afternoon went popular in aeon,bukit tinggi with mummie..

they played the songs that reminds me of you :D

I miss you.

Hit The HippoPot!

2010-10-02T11:20:00.002+08:00

Yeah.. I've hit the hippopot !

pathetic :'(

When something turns different.

2010-10-02T11:10:00.002+08:00

When its not yours,it really doesnt belongs to you..no matter how desperately you want it..it will leave you when it doesnt belongs to you.

so why do things appear?why do people that you like or you dont like pass through you life?

temptation?

leaving one and another..first is baby hanajaan and now..dineshwary and also christine..from 36 and two are leaving.

the classroom is going to be so quite and peace..so that's the fun of studying?

why you had chosen in the first place and let it go now?

anyhoos,i enjoyed the times and moments that we gone through in the college,presentation on the stage like monkeys and donkeys and laughter in the class.

celebrating birthdays and singing together.

everyday finding for the phone and switch to camera modes to capture photos and upload our selected and unselected pictures in FACEBOOK.commenting and laughing every single movements and posture.

Yesterday had a frank discussion with the CEO and something really shocked me and something surprising coming up soon in the college..the hidden words and care from her made me understands better.

her care and advice had made us a better person.

berusahala kawan :D

Another 2.

2010-09-30T11:01:00.003+08:00

morning again..

a sad news with two of my classmates which is belongs to nasi lemak gang as well going to quit the course.

any idea about it?

one is going for teaching course and another one is gonna work is starbucks?

2 semester being together sitting along the same row and almost everyday in the college eating together,they are leaving :(

thou was not so close but least they are someone which has been through in my daily college life.

so what's gonna happen next?

our group are getting lesser and lesser people..but the stress is still there with all the asses.

how many more that are going to tell you that you are staying up with them and today is the last day?

I hope this is the last.

someone sometimes you may not like all the time but in somehow..you will still miss them cause they had been someone in your life before as well..

HAHA ! what a joke,I'm laughing like an idiot because I do not really want to laugh.

To see friends are going one by one..is really tough to let it go.

may be longer it could be a habit without you??? NAH !

and the baby hanajaan told me that she wants to continue by repeating sem but what I heard from Sheila was she's still half way thinking whether to continue it or not..so what should I advice or to hold her back?

I dont know..I dont know and I really dont know..

How come people could have this decision even the pointers just hit over the counter and get into this sem wants to quit? You might say this is not suitable or this is not the profession you want?

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN!

so whatever it is..friends..I wish that you dont regret and go on your life with god and cheers.

hugs and I will never forget how you all treat me by leaving me :P

3rd day

2010-09-29T12:29:00.002+08:00

Good morning !

Its only third day of class and ASSignments were given.Noticed the ''s''? Its not single,means there's a lot of ASS's.So so so..you're gonna see me online and complaining all about the whole sem subjects and ASS or ASSES ! :P

Just called the baby hanajaan.She may be repeating the sem which its a good news for me :)

and its gonna be good for her as well for her future. ALL THE BEST baby !

Today's class supposingly we can go back now and the tutor loves the students so much thou there is no class yet still wants to keep us in here,um..may be i'll just touch up my ASSES before I have not enough time for my beauty sleep and congrats to me for wearing formal as I'm so naive to thought that today's gonna be the presentation day and there's something good also we are going to present bout stomach tomorrow..so what you know about stomach? :)

just the intake of food? do you know how it looks like?Its a J shape kawan-kawan.

and the one who produce your gastric juice is one of your hormone which name gastrin :P

enough before I confused myself..

I'm with my new group members and I think I can work well as a team with them.Oh god,hope its not like the previous one.So finger crossing this sem will be peace and fine cause there is only 36 student nurses left in the class..pray there is no war and arguements between classmates and really hope that everyone play their role and part and of course myself.training to be more responsible as I'm always responsible to be more responsible ! HAHA ! nonsence.

She's not here but hopefully when she's in the other class everything's goes fine with her.

Baby Hanajaan..Kuatkan hati engkau tu ! <3

aku sayang engkau !!

Sarhana Binti Armian Mohamed

2010-09-27T19:24:00.002+08:00

The news surprised us.No! It shocked and made us cried.

The news was not acceptable but still have to accept.

Today result came out and the remained only 37.

Many of my classmates defered and the most that I'm lost to accept is the one who's closest with me.

Eating along for breakfast and lunch.

Out for McD,*BIG MAC*

Out to Kota Kemuning,

Studying,Posting,Teasing,Chit Chating,Sharing Secrets,Presentations,ASSignments and all the funs we had together.

Now..I'm gonna seriously miss you.

I'm not gonna forget you,cause you left the most deepest memory in my mind when I first saw you.

Having a friend like you had no regrets,you are a good friend thou when you are in the fasting month you still accompany me along to restaurant waiting for me to finish my meal and laugh with me.

I seriously gonna miss you
You are a great BABY

I will never forget today.

sorry for forcing you to take your lunch and I hope you could stand up and face the truth and walk on again.

Thou today's failure had made you down and more obstacles in your life..but remember what you said to me?

GOD IS FAIR AND SQUARE.

dark choco

2010-09-25T08:53:00.002+08:00

Thank You SAMUEL :)

for bringing the chocolate thou its not godiva but this one was nice,not to bitter nor too sweet,

copy of olivia ong's CD,

a lovely evening drink in pasta zanmai,

a safe walk to the car park and holding the subways.

a lovely drink sweetened the evening with two desserts :)
a lovely chocolate that made the night sleep tights and made the morning shines.
=>

NOT HAPPY LORRRRR

2010-09-23T13:24:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow results coming out. I know its gonna be repeating the paper..but I know I'm not alone. =/

You always take me as a kiddo that in your eyes will never grown up cause the kiddo will not let you go.I know you want me to be independent.No matter how hard I tried,when I'm with you,I just want to be your lil girl that how you hold my hands and walk along.Running here and there.. I love you honeys :)

I'm feeling I'm wasting my sem break by everyday NOT HAPPY LORRR.

NOT HAPPY AT ALL LOR..THAT'S WHY I ROLL TO PARENTS BED EVERY NIGHT :P

But my NOT HAPPY like NO ONE UNDERSTANDS cause I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT'S ON MY MIND AND WHAT I WANT LOR.

IF..UGGHHH*forget about it*

living simple is easy..but its hard to achieve..

BLEHHHH..

nuf said..

2010-09-19T20:27:00.003+08:00

I'M NOT GOING TO STAND ON THE WEIGHING SCALE AGAIN UNTIL YOU BRING BACK THE GODIVA TO ME ! :P

I'm gonna finish up all the fish head.

I'm gonna wallup all the UNAGI !

I'm gonna crack up the CRABBIES and KAMPUNG CHICKENS !

YUMMIES :)))

ONE Week sem break over and left one week.so the balance what will be done? celebrating and busying mooncake festivals in the temple and kaima house <3

I need more breaks :)

2010-09-15T16:40:00.002+08:00

Chocolate Muffin :) You're gonna get me my GODIVA :D

AKU SAYANG YOU on friday !

LOVES

love? What's that mean?

complicated or like the story of fairytale? living happily after?

HAHA.I dont care cause its not my turn yet :P

No bees No Honey around cause Pooh did not bring out any of it. *craps*

But love it meant a lot of me [..............................] this much..oh no no..more than this [.............................................................................................................]

so its like this

*craps*

Yeah,you might see,you might think..what's up to with this girl.

Is she falling in love?with?

Is she couple with someone?A girl or a guy? :P

anyhoos..the answer is she's still single bingle :)))))

So what's up with the love post or whatever you think it is?

Its just my feelings that you did not expect.I did not expect or realised it but just..you know..when feelings come..you just wanna be like this.After awhile..you will feel..how nonsense but just like the wind blew..ITS TIME TO WAKE UP and BE YOURSELF :D

I loves FEELINGS of falling in love..for the sake of god.

I LOVES whatever A GIRL NEEDS :)

SHOPPING !

11910

2010-09-12T12:10:00.002+08:00

guess who am i on conversation now? KOMANDAN of my camp while I'm in national..so unimaginable right? well..there's more unimaginable things..like yesterday..stories and laughter..stunned and surpsingly.there's always lips facing upwards with the eyes closed and the lips facing downwards with they eyes looking red.

The stunned from Komandan,

'kira you dah beruntung dpt komandan macam saye! '

and now only I found out that he dah bersara tak jadi komandan lagi.

So kawan - kawan..beruntung betul la kau orang.. :)

Yesterday had a great chillax lunch with the primies..Sylvie,Hui Xian,WSH,Zhau Hui,Ben and Galvean in Kim Gary @ Sunway Pyramid and celebrated two cakes for Ping and Xian.How long we havent been celebrated birthdays for the primies friendo ? :) Keep that in mind :P

Poop ! It was ELING sis birthday..did not join the primies for Resident Evil:After Death..chating and window shopping with her reminds the memories in the camp of all of us.How parents visits on sundays.HAHA ! Had dinner with her again of mum mum porridge :)

Thanks for the dinner JIE :D

Back to Klang and celebrated birthday with the lil angel princess ; Jesslene.Hee,it was a small celebration with Black Forest Cake and some barbie and princess stuffy presents that cheers her day <3

Hoo..for the whole day..I aint feel tired but a bit unhappy feelings..of course I'm happy for my sweeties and primies but just a sudden feeling of change..anyway..being unhappy just wasted my another sixty seconds.. :P

MISS?

2010-09-03T22:51:00.003+08:00

I'm worried.

I know I couldnt change anything now but just waiting.

OH RESULTS COMING OUT BEFORE RAYA AND SEM BREAK.

I miss you.I miss you and I MISS YOU !

but I dont know how you will know I miss you.

Take it easy..make it slowly..and surely I will get you.

I need to loose pounds !! I miss my clothingsss..ARMANI BABY :P

I want you,I need you so deeply badly..

I seriously do..MY JOY.. :D

I need you,desperately..THE FUN !!

2010-08-23T18:51:00.002+08:00

Everyday..looking back yesterday..to see how naive and how history is it..

Using a smile to pass everything..no matter how hard it is..I'm doing my best to enjoy and to go through things.

Obstacles and Steps..How far more to go? Who knows when will you be dead or gone someday? I'm fed up with things sometimes but there's a will..A will that brings me to smile,no matter how hard it is..remember to smile that strengthen the will power.You know how powerful it is?

I'm starting to complain lesser and deny the things that "not important" to me..as well as someone.Its just freaking me out from the past and I'm letting go. :)

Accepting things around me made me feels more natural to smile and breath..SMppppphhh..ahhhh..the smells of greens..the cheerful sound at home..yelling and screaming but still loving each other..Shouting and Nagging but still ignore it and enjoy another moments.

I appreciates honeys and thanks dad..thanks for the processing of what a teenage needs..You are the king of my heart that I know you will never dump me no matter how naughty I am.Thanks Mom,thou I have not seen how you delivered me but I know..I know the story..I might be showing improper manners at times but in my heart..I know you loves me and I loveeeee you too :D

Yes for the others..of course I love you all as well..but nothing can replace the both honeys juggy in me.

Feelings just come and feels..

I love feelings that comes in sudden where you feel nice and calm and love from everywhere..Its just fun..I hope this will remain and for the time being..I enjoy the joyful and accepting the bad to go through..

You might think..what changes me..

I might think as well..hormones changes in teenage may be :)

that's the study of anatomy and physiology about endocrine system :P

2010-08-13T08:25:00.002+08:00

Blah blah blah

Next week having exam and yet not prepare yet and still feel uneasy with the body.Just dont know why and gosh..it reminds me something about yesterday night after bowel open..the face become dark and suddenly there's a zits on the eye shadow,4 little dots on the eye side,and surrounding the nose there's all red spots...allhamdulilah now subside d but the nose still redness surrounding..

Hormone changes ?? Hehehe..

Waiting for the table to come and these few days like usual siting in the kitchen doing work or either bringing all the notes and do it on sugar mama's bed..ahahah..

I'm worried bout the exam but there's no action shows that I'm worried? I'm not studying but only blur for the whole day and is it whether body acidic..I automatically fall asleep and had a great sleep so abnormally like usual after meal..Hello? what's happening?

Finger crossed and just hope everything to be fine always.

I miss sushi..yummie yummmmmm :)

2 weeks

2010-08-10T09:27:00.002+08:00

Blurrrrppp..ooppsyy..just finish eating papaya in the car and now in college waiting for presentation later.

Back into the college for two weeks and this is the revision and exam week..16th Aug will be having anatomy and physiology exam and yaddii da da the following will continue with others.

Having lots of grandmother stories wanted to post but..I think past just forget it if I didnt post it..let everything to be new and better.

After sicking continously fever,flu,tonsilitis,pharnygitis and bla bla..I'm still down will cough and flu but getting better just the mouth couldnt stop eating and the housekeeping told me I got fat since the last time she saw me..and monkey..the fats are surrounding my waist butt and thighs..shhhhh..:PP

So how many times did you heard that I'm going to diet and cut off all the fats ? Many right..but every time the fats and not end yo reducing but increasing and daddy said I looks more solid cause the daddy's face got smaller what..ELEH :P

Uncle Victor said I have to eat more cause I have a baby heart and baby intestine..so with his advice I'm eating more and more till the brother said I eat like monster :PPP Oh gosh,I dont want to look like a hippo..but what to do to make me looks smaller like previously? There's no shortcut for a diet..so..I dont know..hee ~

2010-07-29T01:38:00.002+08:00

I pray everything goes right all the time.
I choose to accept the truth earlier than later.
I'm learning each and everyday and I enjoy what I am in now thou I'm not perfect in gaining and coping but there is something I like about it.

I appreciates people around me thou sometimes it really freaks me out..after a night sleeping..everything's alright.

I listen to something good and throw away the bad..I hope this occurs all the time so that I dont think it bad.

Finger crossing hoping RA going smoothly and complete everything with colours :)

Nights

2010-07-20T11:55:00.003+08:00

Ouch ouch..bone pain..vomited thrice today and gelllliii looooooo...shivering..

Fever still not subside and its getting worser..sore throat coming... :((((

NO appetite :'((((((

Diarrhea..pain :'''''(((

I'm gonna lost so many experience and education these few days..sick sick. :(

Yesterday night lots of things came into mind and while I'm figuring..the phone rang and its sushi boy :)

Talk and with his comfort made me realised yes..he's an understanding and a good friend to talk to.He firgured out and judge me as things happened let it be.Make it as a memory and dont look back.Be more happy even thou you are not to make life easier and happier..so you can see me smiling and laughing on the phone even pain and suffering and vomiting :)

Sorry for making you forgot to eat your medicine while talking too long to you on the phone and get well soon :D

He asked me : " do you know to be a nurse,what you should have in your mind ? "

Me : I dont know.

Sushi : You dont know? Then why you join nursing?

Me : Feelings :) and yaddi da da

Sushi : Its to be strong and caring :)

Me : Awww..it is <3

His word made the night feel comfortable and he judges something that I dont know all the while.THANK YOU !

Febrile.

2010-07-19T17:39:00.003+08:00

I guess I'm a person who like to start the blog with..I DONT KNOW WHY..

yes and I dont know why..is it like the others said? The world is small..I have the same thought as her and not only the first time and its like almost the time.Things happened almost the same to me and to her at the same time or in a close time.Oops!

I cant settle things down calmly and successfully till I failed desperately.

I did things reversely like what I always promised myself and finally I put myself into trouble..things are coming after and I have no immune to fight back anymore.I've lost my Central Nervous System to control myself and I made the hormones changed.such a BIG NOOB !

Bongu Bongu and restless nights...finally I'm in the FEBRILE world.Smelling the bongu bongu in the refrigerator made me wants to crave more but...I'm not allowed!

Looking myself in the mirror..who I am? I'm not familiar with myself..how I am? getting sick and worsen the condition day by day..I'm not loving and pampering myself anymore ; lying to meself to believe that everything will be alright as the days goes by..but..with the lies and unsincerly heart..I'm far away from my dreams and I'm feeling far away when I'm down..to cheer up is not easily like last time..things changed or I changed?

I dont want to miss things before I regret..only having a mouth to complaining this and that but no actions for me to achieve things wanted to be and happily?

2010-07-16T20:46:00.001+08:00

Oh FARAH :)

thanks for her call and tomorrow I'm gonna work in morning !!

that means there is time to go BON ODORI..MUSHI LALA :)

Bongu Bongu on the ride :)

2010-07-15T19:18:00.002+08:00

One week I havent been touching my bongu bongu ! :(

and finally today I CRAVED ! Oooh La La ..love you so muchie and so damn cheapiieee..6kg for 30 bucks..

BONGU BONGU - DURIAN :)

DURIAN FOR DAY ! :P

another exposure

2010-07-14T17:00:00.002+08:00

Things are always unexpected..never expect things to be great? How was your day?

She told be..you might be happy today and be sad tomorrow.Every thing in life you will have it the first time..meeting your boyfriend,dating and yaddi da da..

Yesterday I did two dressing and it was my first time doing and continously two !

It was fun and I got good comments from my Clinical Instructor and there was a so hard to get chance to do last office but I was not able to participate cause the patient's family its quite they called "fussy" so few of us was not there to join into.Today again I did a dressing but its a different one,I exposed to a better cleaning and yet I repeat the same mistake by forgetting to put the sterile field but still yet able to do and comment will be given on saturday !

After doing and there were another notice there is a last office beside the ward again.I was so stunned and went along..after waiting one and the half hour..gastric pain and went back to the ward to eat some plum that brought along from home today.

Back to the last office..Sweet Niblets..whatever you want to say..I havent been seing this patient before just for the sake of god I was able to join the group and I cried when the patient was cleaned and when the patient's family came into.

Wrapping and cleaning the dead body feeling is just like sponging the normal one..but dont feel the dead in there..may be it just like the others said so..died in life but remains in heart..but I dont understand..I have not connected to this patient..how many times gonna happen soon to cry and cry..

No well breakfast and gastric is funking again..:((

I need two breaks :)

2010-07-11T15:10:00.001+08:00

......gastric soooo painnn... T.T..

few days not having proper sleep and food..

always posting I wont be having normal lifestlye..

even a 15 minutes break I dont get it..

now gastric is worsen..T.T

anyone wants to deliver food for me when i'm posting?

I want rice or porridge :)

whatever will be will be.

2010-07-10T19:49:00.002+08:00

I went to his place today and he calm me down and consult me.
I slept after that and feel fresh after that.

Things are over..What I should do is to concentrate and do my best.

refreshing the mind..he told me..whatever will be will be..you couldnt do anything to change and for the sake of god..he told me..parents are living god..they give what we ask for..thou we couldnt get it today but they gave us may be tomorrow or after..if you pray to god..you have to wait for the queue..yes its true..I will love honeys more as the day pass by..love you papa mama :) love you uncle vicken :)

love you ****** :P

Evaluation from you.

2010-07-09T21:35:00.003+08:00

Tears..rolling down..I couldnt cry it out in front of anyone and I just wish to remain silent.

3 weeks I've been tolerating and accepting and finally over today.But more to come.

The first day of 3 weeks ago,I was chase back by my clinical instructor due to my careless answer and I was so scared after that.It was my fault that I'm too scared and didnt think out of the box and my too aware had made me into another trouble.

No regrets,thou I've learnt something from her,but still I feel that time was wasted between this three weeks.I didnt gain things that I wanted to that I really feel shamed about myself.I wish to cry..but useless..I couldnt organise and make things right like I used to do.I notice I didnt change..still that stubborn and I'm weak.I dont deny that I'm not friendly and happy goes lucky like I always wish to and sorry to friends that I left my anger on you all especially the one you know who you are cause you are the one who light up the bomb.Training in the hospital really sometimes made me want to scream..but not to others,not to my patient of course..but to myself..I'm so disappointed on myself and I thought I think wiser but until today..I think I've got worser than previously..headache and I feel so pain..pain in everywhere..My clinical instructor told me today..that she is not that great or well when she was a student nurse and she even failed in her semester iii but she didnt give up.She push herself more harder to understand everything and the most disappointing part that when she see us doesnt have any motivation to make ourself to improve.The first thing came in my mind is that..do we have time? I realised is my excuse that cause me into trouble again..is it again my laziness? I'm so tired of thinking this and that to be better and better..to improve but no motive?

After baby told me my roster for next week..I'm totally out of control and the bomb had left on Fadzilah.Next week saturday BON ODORI is going to be held in shah alam and dont know which blardy hell put my roster on saturday and sunday have to work and fuck you.YES,I MEANT IT.I'm really fucking hating and wish to explode and show to everyone how angry I am.You might think why am I that angry cause I wanted to go so much since I was form 3 and last year I promised that this year I AM JOINING the fun and thank you you made me to stay in the ward for fucking irritating.

After coming back I had a short nap and after nap..think back wisely..I was arranged to the ward and since couldnt change the day..why not just go there and enjoy and learn what I can..and to friends and readers..if you are going..please enjoy to the max in there for me :) I will be happy as well.. :D

I'm so urging for sushi and durian these few days and one months non stop I have been eating nasi lemak and porridge so muchie..

The experience and learning in hospital will always keep in my mind.How I got scolded and corrected I really hope that I could improve myself more..Today's evaluation was not so satisfied by myself..may be its because I've accepted what people said and think about me that's why I feel down..but its more than I expected that I was not that good..UGHHH.. ;(

I...I dont know what to say about myself..I'm getting more negative results from people and also myself..I'm getting awful..Looking into the mirror..I dont know who I am anymore..Is that so hard to be a human? I just smile and think back..I am nothing actually..I've wasted life SO FUCKING MUCH !

and just now bought some food from KFC and is so fucking expensive and I WONT ENTER ANYMORE cause is so fucking costly ! :((((((

I lost 10 bucks!

lil precious

2010-06-28T19:34:00.002+08:00

I think this is what I should do now :)

THANKS "NYOK" for tagging <3

Its time to change?

2010-06-27T19:27:00.003+08:00

You've seen my blog..times and times..

you realised how I see life is about..positively and negatively..

but I know..I dont see things positively much.

Mom always said I demands things for perfect.
Dad said he dont needs me to be perfect.

Kaiye said I shouldnt think about the past.

Uncle Vicky said I should let go the past and look into the future.
Kaima will just laugh everything I complaint and she likes to tease me "very much"

Dad wants me to be relax and enjoy my studies.

Mom wants to see me to be more happy and dont see things so serious which made me sad and stress all the while.

Kaima tried so hard to date me all the time to have dinner with them which I used to be every weekend when I was childhood and primary.I know how everyone sayangs me.I guess my weakness really disappointed everyone..and I think I hurt the one who sayangs me really much.I know life is not easy and to be independent for a person who is so protected since not born.I dont know..I dont want to know and think of how it will be..I'm tired of thinking what's going to happen later,tomorrow and after.I'm tired of hearing brothers nagging that I dont think any consequences of things I do and what's gonna happen next.It shouldnt be like that.It should be fun but things that I do its all nonsense to them.

I know I'm the youngest and I do not know how to earn even a peny thou I spent half of my parents property..but..no but? Passing the moments with thinking all the next would be and should be? IRRITATES ME A LOT !

Food? The one I spent almost the pocket money on it which made my size goes like apple and pear?How many idiot times I have said to control and think positively? You knows cause you see how monster I am to swallow every single left thing in front of me.I realised I should stop my bad attitude long ago but its just like addicted.I've made myself to a disease? An olive disease? I think..I'm just thinking..to get a partner but so far..hmmm..just forget about it..I know fate havent come yet and not so early kan?So..I just want to change myself..to be a better and happier person..
:)

I...I..

2010-06-23T20:05:00.001+08:00

I'm ok..I'm not that ok.

I'm alright..I'm not that alright.

I'm lost..but..

I....

thelossgirl.

2010-06-19T12:10:00.003+08:00

I dont feel alright right now.

so hard to control the temper.

I dont want to yell at anyone..

may be I just need to get more sleep to cool down myself.

Enough being shopping and loitering around till stuffs all not done.

Enough being munching and eating all those foreign things that shouldnt be in the body.

Idontwanttogotonight'sdinner.butallofusareforcedtogo.

Iwishthereweremoremoremoremoremoremoremoretimeformetoreallychangemyself.

Ihatethingsnotorganisedwell.INCREASING MY TEMPER.

MAMA :(((((