Evaluation from you.

Tears..rolling down..I couldnt cry it out in front of anyone and I just wish to remain silent.

3 weeks I've been tolerating and accepting and finally over today.But more to come.

The first day of 3 weeks ago,I was chase back by my clinical instructor due to my careless answer and I was so scared after that.It was my fault that I'm too scared and didnt think out of the box and my too aware had made me into another trouble.

No regrets,thou I've learnt something from her,but still I feel that time was wasted between this three weeks.I didnt gain things that I wanted to that I really feel shamed about myself.I wish to cry..but useless..I couldnt organise and make things right like I used to do.I notice I didnt change..still that stubborn and I'm weak.I dont deny that I'm not friendly and happy goes lucky like I always wish to and sorry to friends that I left my anger on you all especially the one you know who you are cause you are the one who light up the bomb.Training in the hospital really sometimes made me want to scream..but not to others,not to my patient of course..but to myself..I'm so disappointed on myself and I thought I think wiser but until today..I think I've got worser than previously..headache and I feel so pain..pain in everywhere..My clinical instructor told me today..that she is not that great or well when she was a student nurse and she even failed in her semester iii but she didnt give up.She push herself more harder to understand everything and the most disappointing part that when she see us doesnt have any motivation to make ourself to improve.The first thing came in my mind is that..do we have time? I realised is my excuse that cause me into trouble again..is it again my laziness? I'm so tired of thinking this and that to be better and better..to improve but no motive?

After baby told me my roster for next week..I'm totally out of control and the bomb had left on Fadzilah.Next week saturday BON ODORI is going to be held in shah alam and dont know which blardy hell put my roster on saturday and sunday have to work and fuck you.YES,I MEANT IT.I'm really fucking hating and wish to explode and show to everyone how angry I am.You might think why am I that angry cause I wanted to go so much since I was form 3 and last year I promised that this year I AM JOINING the fun and thank you you made me to stay in the ward for fucking irritating.

After coming back I had a short nap and after nap..think back wisely..I was arranged to the ward and since couldnt change the day..why not just go there and enjoy and learn what I can..and to friends and readers..if you are going..please enjoy to the max in there for me :) I will be happy as well.. :D

I'm so urging for sushi and durian these few days and one months non stop I have been eating nasi lemak and porridge so muchie..

The experience and learning in hospital will always keep in my mind.How I got scolded and corrected I really hope that I could improve myself more..Today's evaluation was not so satisfied by myself..may be its because I've accepted what people said and think about me that's why I feel down..but its more than I expected that I was not that good..UGHHH.. ;(

I...I dont know what to say about myself..I'm getting more negative results from people and also myself..I'm getting awful..Looking into the mirror..I dont know who I am anymore..Is that so hard to be a human? I just smile and think back..I am nothing actually..I've wasted life SO FUCKING MUCH !

and just now bought some food from KFC and is so fucking expensive and I WONT ENTER ANYMORE cause is so fucking costly ! :((((((

I lost 10 bucks!